


Carve a Path Through Flesh and Bone

by hurricane_in_space



Series: wildlands behind our ribs [2]
Category: Sicario (2015), Sicario (Movies), Sicario: Day of the Soldado
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Guilt, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Canon, Reassurances, Unresolved Sexual Tension, a little self-loathing, alejandro made himself, alejandro's hooded gaze, conversations in the dark, cursing, matt's gravelly voice, no one made alejandro, so many feelings, the author does not speak Spanish and is so very sorry in advance, touches that speak volumes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 12:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurricane_in_space/pseuds/hurricane_in_space
Summary: Alejandro should have been just another contact. Another weapon to sharpen and point where he wanted. He'd made plenty of them, this time should have been no different. Life has a way of fucking with expectations though, and Matt wished he could claim he didn't see this coming.





	Carve a Path Through Flesh and Bone

**Author's Note:**

> Translation: Si, mi llave. Yes, my good friend. Llave is a Colombian colloquialism for 'close friend' (literally: 'key').
> 
> All mistakes are mine! Including what is possibly dreadfully (google) translated Spanish!

Matt rolled the edge of the bottle along his lips. It was more of a prop at this point than anything else, the contents gone warm while he sat there staring out over Christi. The base was quiet tonight, fitting for his mood, the salty breeze drifting in from the bay raising the hairs on his arms. The op had gone smoothly, a fast in and out with no complications, minimal injuries, and a quick transit getting them back in time for dinner. Ideal. Textbook. He should be fucking ecstatic. Instead he was sitting there in the dark, alone on a rooftop, feeling like someone had replaced his gut with razor wire. Ridiculous. 

The metallic ticking of the ladder flexing caught his attention, and he glanced up to see Alejandro climbing over the edge of the building. His hair was damp, fatigues replaced with sandy-coloured linen, and Matt's brain unhelpfully provided him with an image of bare skin under hot shower spray. _Goddamn it._ He took a deep breath and tried to shake the thought, another complication. He tossed a halfhearted smirk in Alejandro's direction.

‘Come to check up on me?’

Alejandro settled in by his side, giving him an assessing once over.

‘Si, mi llave. You're rattled. Today went well, so I’m trying to work out why?’

His first instinct was to lie. Blow off his concerned tone and just tamp it all down. What's one more thing to carry guilt about, for someone like him? But the thought of lying to Alejandro had his chest tightening, and wasn't that the kicker? His whole life had been spent playing people, deceiving them, twisting situations to suit whatever narrative he was creating. Then in walked this man, damaged and laser-focused, and all Matt wanted to do was carve himself open and beg for absolution. Fuck. He hung his head, and Alejandro waited him out.

‘Watching you out there…’

A long exhale, trying to grasp at the words.

‘...you're incredible at this, you know? I’ve worked with a hell of a lot of people, seen some talent, but the way you move...you're like a goddamn ghost. People drop before I even feel you there.’

His next breath held a bite of something in it that could have been laughter, if it had been  a different conversation. His words softened, and he could sense Alejandro's gaze on him.

‘I think I’ve changed you. More than you had to be changed. Made you into something you didn't have to be.’

The pained words settled like lead in the air between them, poisonous and heavy. Matt gripped the bottle tighter, tried to stop the tremor that had started in his hands.

‘This is what I do. I create weapons and I point them where I need to. I get the job done.’

He felt Alejandro begin to shift, and held up a few fingers to pause him. If he didn't get this out now, he didn't think he ever would.

‘My hands are dripping in more blood than I want to think about. This is it for me. Not much point in wishing things were different.’

His throat constricted, every resigned word catching and raw. He forced them through his teeth anyway.

‘But maybe you could have found peace one day, if I’d never shown up. Maybe you could have had a life again. Maybe there was another way to survive. But I don't think there's any way to come back from this now. And I’m sorry for it.’

He put the bottle down and rubbed at his face, through his hair, frustration and regret sitting heavy behind his ribs.

‘Fuck.’

The tension punched out of him on a harsh breath.

Alejandro reached for him, solid hand settling on the nape of his neck and squeezing, anchoring him. The contact turned the weight in his belly warm, and for a moment he desperately wanted to lean in, push whatever this thing that hung between them, chase that feeling. God he was so fucking selfish. Torn up over making this man into something that condemned any chance he might have had of a peaceful life, and eager to cling to him and drown together. What a mess.

‘Matt.’

His name sounded like a command, Alejandro's voice deep and steady, pulling his head above the self-loathing.

‘I need you to listen to me now. You didn't make me. Everything I hold within me has been there for a long time. There is more blood on my hands than you realise. Whatever I am now, they unleashed it, you helped sharpen it, but I am my own man. I am here with you because I choose to be.’

Alejandro's fingers tightened, tangling in strands of hair.

‘Do not carry me with you as a burden of guilt. Let me be something else to you than that.’

The press of fingers on his neck gentled, and Matt felt his stomach drop out. He turned his head a little to glance at Alejandro, and those pale eyes were hooded and watching him. The moment drew out, settling into something tinged hot with anticipation, and he saw a rare flash of hesitation cross Alejandro's face. The hand on him carefully retreated, fingers brushing his shoulder as they passed, Alejandro’s eyes flicking away. They both took a breath, Matt impulsively reaching out to squeeze Alejandro's knee, stealing another brief touch, his hand lingering for a moment when a hesitant smile twitched at the other man’s mouth.

A contemplative ‘hmmmm’ left Alejandro's lips, and he slowly stood.

‘I am where I am supposed to be.’

Gaze dropping back to Matt's, expression a heavy one, and Matt wasn't entirely sure about what he was reading there. Forgiveness? Promise? Perhaps wishful thinking, perhaps not, but either way his breath was coming a little easier.

‘Goodnight, Matt.’

Alejandro pressed a warm hand to his shoulder and squeezed. Matt felt something unknotting in his chest.

‘Yeah...’

Inhale. Exhale.

‘...yeah, get some rest.’

As Alejandro left him, he stared back out over the base, and felt something reminiscent of hope settling in his veins. Maybe he could find a path through to a better ending here. Maybe he was where he was supposed to be, too.

  
  
  
  



End file.
